I'm back...Part 1

Two years, quite a fair bit has happened in two years...

Gosh, the motivation and assertiveness towards the success of me starving myself on artificial powder packets was hilarious. It was like I was constantly reinforcing myself that paying someone to starve myself, deprive myself of REAL nutrition and feel like crap everyday until goal weight was the best way to weight-loss and health. IT CLEARLY WASN'T. 

What the Cambridge Diet and other VLCD's do is reinforce eating disorders and promotes an even lazier attitude towards maintenance. Why should anyone go to the gym and work out 3-4 times a week when you can just sit at home drinking a milkshake for xx amount of months and watch that fat disappear. Why should I care about the amount of food I am eating when all I need to do is get 250mls of cold water, add my powder packet and give it a good old shake, I suppose I could classify that as cardio!!

Now some may wonder how VLCD's reinforce eating disorders. Your on a well thought out calorie controlled diet, with ALL the nutrition you need in one convenient packet, what could possibly go wrong?

Binge Eating

Now, not everyone can say they have gone through this but the majority of those who have taken part in a VLCD have binged.  It doesn't seem too dangerous at first, things never do. Your at a party OR it's someones birthday OR it's just Christmas and being the good dieter that you are you've bought your shakes along( in fact you have an extra product just in case!!). Your in the ZONE, your more determined than a sperm trying to fertilize an egg and just like the girl from 'Geordie Shores' you're "On it like a car bonnet".After all, you have been 'cheat' free for over 3 weeks now!! 

  
 Your gulping down the 7th glass of water for the day and the aroma of food is tantalizingly tickling your senses. You continually tell yourself that you can do this as you check the clock every 5 minutes; 20 more minutes until it's time to have my 3rd product, just 20 more minutes. The alarm bells start to ring, you can smell something, something from your past that oooh YOU LOVE SO MUCH. Gandalf has now taken over your imagination and your screaming " You shall not pass" to the food fantasies that are now engulfing you. Then it happens, in a moment of weakness you say the two words that will haunt you for the entire journey of your diet ' F*** IT'. You reach over to your friend/family member/ random stranger ( desperate times my friend, desperate times) and you satisfy that craving whether it is a small bite of chicken ( it's still low carb right), a swig of wine, a crisp, a slice of bread, a bite of a muffin or a lick of that twin ice-cream cone, with strawberry sauce, nut pieces and two chocolate flakes.

   Now there are two roads to take, one  road simply shrugs off this moment of weakness and continues with the diet as planned, you feel bad, you feel guilty but it's not going to stop you ( this would of been the better road to take), however there is this road of justification that preceeds to lead you into a winding staircase of 'Tomorrow'. Tomorrow is the honeyed word that promises  new hope, dreams and everything that justifies the next action. Tomorrow is what has you breaking out in song, much like that little darling Annie, tomorrow is the day you can restart your diet!! With that mentality you go to town! 'I've already runied it for this day, I'm probably out of ketosis, I'm ( insert excuse) so I might as well enjoy myself. Bring on the bacon, bring on the booze, bring on the bagels, bring on the cake, bring on the curry goat, bring on the dumplings, bring on the ( insert your own food choice, become one with this blog).... let's just bring on the binge.

The seed of destruction has now been planted, tomorrow is the false prophet that will lead you to dietary hell. Your battle of internal Armageddon has begun. What's even more damaging is that you still managed to lose 5lbs that week after the binge. This occasion has now set the trend for futher blow outs on a VLCD but more dangerously it is reinforcing the fact that you can eat like a pig so long as you starve yourself in between with VLCD powder packets!

Obese anorexia

Simply put - What is the difference between a diet that is promoted on pro-ana sites and a VLCD. Your on less than 800 calories, your drinking tons of water, you tell yourself your not good enough if you fail and the fear of weight gain is forever haunting you. 

It might not seem like it to some but behind the facade of great marketing and the success stories, most VLCD's promote the extreme restriction of calories for a fast end result. There is no food education between weekly weigh ins, you become afraid of carbohydrates, scared of eating and start skipping packs in the hope of losing more weight. For xx months, your telling yourself that food is bad, the only way to lose weight is too starve and drink your meals. Whether or not you progress onto completing the diet, these seeds of destruction have been placed!

                                                         _________________

But alas, I digress from the whole reason I am posting which was supposed to be a brief update from when I last posted, however it's more like a short book! As you can clearly see I have finally stepped/run away from all VLCD's. My seeds of destruction have bloomed into bastardized impulses and desperation to get to 'goal' weight and I am so consistent with inconstantly sticking to diets that I am in a worse state now that I was before BUT...I do believe there is light at the end of the tunnel which shall be revealed on my next post. I have been nattering far to long!!

Yours Truly

Alexandra x ( Yah, I changed my name too)

I cheated...and didn't feel one bit GUILTY

It's true, I ate things I shouldn't have but I didn't do it out of 'ravaged hunger', I ensured I had a nice glass or two or Brandy and some birthday cake for my 26th. Do I feel bad? HELL NO, as I know this weight will b lost I am just behind 2 days.

Fair enough, I should of just stuck to the diet and soldiered on however I thought FUCK IT, I have accomplished so much over the past year I needed to let my hair down on my birthday for the first time since I was 21 and celebrate. I have finally started my journey of self-love, I am attending university to become an Adult Nurse, I achieved a Merit/distinction profile whilst at college and I have finally rid myself from the bastard known as my sons father.... so fook yeah, one day out of the year I will enjoy it. I may not be here next year, tomorrow is never guaranteed but at least I can die knowing that I have enjoyed myself and have succeeded in many things I thought I could  never do.

Am I still in the zone? Of course, not one bit of self-doubt about myself nor this diet will ever stop me reaching my goal and by mid April I will be at my goal of 10 stone. I fell off the band-wagon, of course, for me to imply otherwise would just be another lie to myself. I know that due to my 'treats' it is very likely that this time around I will face the 'wall' known most Cambridge Diet participants as the ' Day from hell where I will be tested in not devouring a whole cake shop and then some'.

So I am going to keep this entry short and sweet as my re-start weigh-in is tomorrow and may even vlog my entries alongside this blog. Updated results will be in tomorrows entry but in all honesty I am expecting no more than 1lbs weigh-loss...

Peace and Love Jae Jae x

Day 3

Today has been a fairly good day, I woke up early this morning with tons of energy, so much so I put on some Soca and began to dance, jiggle and shake for no apparent reason.

I do recall looking slightly different especially in my face , it looks THINNER, seeing as it has only been three days I just thought the lack of solid food had altered my view of myself but my discovery was confirmed by not just one but two people.

My neighbour noticed that my face was slimmer and even my Daddy complimented me on losing some of that double chin and if my dad noticed it then I know its happening.

I haven't really had any adverse side affects such as headaches or nausea that some people following this diet have suffered from. The only thing that I noticed was a god awful taste in my mouth in the morning, but I think that was due to me chain smoking like an old hag in the bingo hall before falling asleep. Another thing that came to my attention when I awoke was an email from my Consultant Nyree, upon seeing the contents of this email my morning hunger vanished and it it's place was the urge to vomit... She sent my picture of myself when I first weighed in.... It hit me that I have really let idiotic b******s get to me, fair enough I was going through some domestic violence but f*** me, that was no excuse to let myself go... Alas, that is the past and also negative, I will use this situation that almost ruined me, both mentally and physically AND I WILL TURN IT AROUND.

I decided to go shopping today and treat myself to a new dress, shoes and a bag for uni and vowed myself NEVER to look like those weigh in pics again, so for your entertainment and also means of instantaneous projectile vomiting... My weigh in pictures and original stats:

BMI: 39.7

WAIST: 47 INCHES

HIPS: 48 3/4 INCHES

BUST: 48 3/4 INCHES

ARMS: 13 1/2 INCHES

THIGHS: 25 INCHES

 



18.9 Stone





-_-



 

 



WOWZA!



 

 I don't even know where to start with these pictures but one things for sure I KNOW where I am going. Just looking at these pictures have removed all hungry thoughts and cravings from my body. F*** man, I just want to punch myself, this beast you see before your eyes is just the hollow shell of what I once was and will be again. I look.... I don't even know how I look, I just know that this is no longer me.

 

 

Sometimes it makes me question my own sense of reality all these months I thought that top looked nice on me, everyone said it did. However this should be a lesson learned, never have such a lack of confidence that you smash all your mirrors in your house and rely on car doors to know what you look like, they lie and so do people!!



 

I have faith in this diet and I have faith in myself, I can do this. To motivate me even more than those pictures I have decided that I will treat myself for every stone that I lose, it's something I never did before, well actually that's a lie, I treated myself by getting happy and cheating by eating some calorific pile of s*** and hoped that it wouldn't affect me the next day.... which it did. this time I have decided to treat myself to things that will bring back my confidence and just make me feel special.

 

For losing a stone I felt that treating myself would be rather silly, the first stone I usually lose is mainly water weight with a few pounds of flab although the remaining stones..... WELL.. here are my mini treats:

* 2 stone loss - Visit to the hair salon and get a treatment for my hair, trim and some colour

* 3 stone loss - Complete my hallway  - which entails buying a few bits and bobs to finally finish decorating the hallway.

* 4 stone loss - Barbour Wellingtons -  I was going to buy a pair of Dubarry boots but I think I will wait until I am goal to go for the whole country woman look lol

* 5 stone loss - Treat myself to a facial, manicure, pedicure and small make up set for your eyebrows

* 6 stone loss - Buy some MAC makeup - I need to start taking care of how I look and with a 6 stone weight loss I will be looking as hot as ever.

* 7 stone loss - get my teeth whitened

*8 stone loss-  treat myself to some hair extensions I have always wanted and also a £500 shopping spree. It's not much for a shopping spree but seeing as my hair would cost £300, it's more than enough for me.

 

I was thinking of doing a youtube vlog, but maybe it's too late, I am almost one week in.....hmmmm, maybe I should.. Actually I will.. Once I have my 2nd weigh in I will doing a video. The more I put myself out there, the more motivated I feel to accomplish this weight loss, even if I can inspire ONE person to make the change then that's all I could ever ask for!!

 

But it's getting late and I still have tons of housework to do before I head off to bed.. Lets just hope I don't wake up tomorrow at the wall... Day three has been relatively okay... With the grace of the universe tomorrow will be FANTASTIC!!

 

Peace and Love

 

Just Jae-Jae 

Day 1 of the Cambridge Diet/ Cambridge Weight Plan

Well, the time is 18:23 and I am back from my first day at University. I'm still in shock that I managed to accomplish something as I am the kind of person who just gives up due to lack of confidence and settles for less. however that is no more for me, I am more motivated than ever before!! Student Nurse Jae-Jae in the making!!

Alas, enough of the university stuff, I am only writing this blog as I am absolutely starving and need something to get my mind off of my growling stomach. I have been tempted to gobble down a can of baked beans but MY end goal is far greater than a measly tin of Organic beanies from my favourite store Abel and Cole ( organic food delivery service in UK). I do have to admit that my hunger is far greater than it was when I first did the Cambridge Diet but I guess I have grown to be more of a pig than I once was, the only good side ( if there is one in regards to cravings) is that I am craving much healthier food than my prior attempt at this diet, when I first took part in this diet my many slip-ups were due to 'Festivals', which is a Caribbean fried dumpling flavoured with sugar and spices and a perfect addition to Ackee and Saltfish...mmmm FOOD!!

However, today I am simply craving a nice bowl of Mediterranean vegetable couscous cooked in coconut milk with a small Feta cheese Salad with Kale, red onions and cherry tomatoes  on the side. I really cannot wait to start cooking again. It's funny how I eventually now how to cook and eat healthily but it only comes into play when I start a VLCD. I guess everything will fit into place eventually, this is only the start of my body transformation road.

I know I briefly touched on what my long-term goals are the other day but I feel that today is one of those day where I can delve a wee bit more into what I actually want. I have always stuck with my goal of being 10 stone, however my journey will never stop there. In order for me to maintain my weight and be a healthier person I have decided to change my whole lifestyle ( which I guess is the main thing to do when losing weight, duuh). Not only am I going to aim to become healthier by doing more physical activities and attending gym, I am striving for a body of a fitness model or as close as I can get whilst sticking to a vegan based diet. I want to be a vegan, not only for the physical rewards but I do genuinely feel sorry for the animals that are subjected to pointless deaths, torture and goodness knows what else. What I am trying to say is that I want to be a better person, a better human and live ethically. These past few months have been an eye opener for me and in order for me to feel more in tune with myself I must also be in tune with my environment. therefore doing what I can to protect my ecological environment will trickle down and benefit my spiritual and physical environment I call my temple and home.

Returning to my world of the Cambridge Diet, although this is a far cry from my goal of being vegan, this diet has shown me ways to pull through the hunger and temptation. The most important factor to fighting the hunger would be the consumption of water.

The recommended allowance for water stands at around 2.23 litres of water a day (4 pints), which for me Jae-Jae the Fish, doesn't last very long, so I have started drinking around 4 litres of water, not only does this aid in flushing out the ketones when I eventually achieve ketosis but it also aids in filling the hunger gap between meals. Training my body to get full up on water really helps when I am situations of not having a product to hand or as mentioned previously fighting the craving to munch. I have to be honest it hasn't worked as good as I hoped but after a few swigs my hunger has been subdued for at least 20 mins which has given me more than enough time to get active and divert my mind from 'The Crave' before it starts up again.

Being busy and active also helps with the temptations ( hence the long blog entry). Today was my first day at University studying to become an Adult Nurse and rather than focusing on the growls of my stomach my attention was focused on what the lecturers had to say about the next three years as a university student. It was only when I arrived home that I realised HECK, I am hungry!! So I had my third products and swigged down my third litre for the day, I still feel slightly hungry but I have compiled a list of things to do in the flat to keep me busy until it's time to have my final product for the night and head off to bed.

With that in mind, I think it's about time I get cracking with the housework before it's 11pm and I am still cleaning.

Love and Peace

Just Jae-Jae x

The Start...

I always have trouble starting these things, so I'm just going to type and see what ends up on the screen. Now, I guess the best place to start is the beginning.

The Weight Issues

I can't say I've always had a weight issue, more a greed issue which resulted in a weight issue. It all started from when I was around 15, things happened and .... well I ate to make myself feel better about things and fill the void that had been ripped from inside myself. In time I ballooned up to 24 stone (336lbs) and remained that way until I was around 21.

Me at 24 stones.

                                                     

Then I found low carb diets, no food diets, stupid diets, die hard diets and eventually the weight started to shed away unveiling the new confident Jae-Jae. I eventually got down to around 16:9 when I found the Cambridge diet..... AND BOY, DID THAT S*** WORK.  I went from a fairly confident size 16 to a smoking hot superwoman who loved herself and everything about her 13 stone (182lbs) body and those size 12 jeans. Und zen...it went downhill from there..... I GOT PREGNANT... Why does it always happen like that, so many women have lost the weight, only to get dick happy and wind up with a bun in the oven.... Well I ballooned up to 17 stone (238) whilst I was pregnant but heck, I was eating kebabs, chips, chocolate and biscuits like I was Grizzly Mama bear storing food for the next 5 winters, so it's inevitable that the food had to go somewhere. Now I can't LIE and say the weight stuck, it didn't I was 14 stone in no time (breastfeeding helps), within 3-4 months,  however I didn't expect a double dosage of post-natal depression and anxiety attacks to take over my life.

Me at 13 stones

I didn't leave my house until my son was 1 and when i did leave eventually leave I was a new person, a broken person... an empty shell of what I once was...And that pretty much brings us up to today.. well yesterday I promised myself to never be that low again. However I am very positive with my future ventures to the land of weight-loss in hopes of finding the treasure island of self love, confidence and a 10 stone weight before I start  my body building, so here it begins....

I have decided to go back down the road that helped me loose a baby mammoth in weight. So without further ado my goals (and stats) are as followed:

On the 2nd September2013 I will partake in the Cambridge Diet for the next 22+  weeks to reach my goal of 10.9 Stones. I could go on forever about what my future goals would be but I often talk quite a fair bit without any further action, so rather than subject myself to daydreaming I shall just start off with the first goal of losing 8 stones.

My Stats

Start date: 2nd September 2013
Current weight:  18 stone and 9lbs (261 lbs)
BMI:    38.8

Height: 5"8 

End Date:  Sometime before or around April 2014
Goal Weight:  10.9 Stones (149 lbs)

Rather than view my Cambridge weight loss journey as one s***load of weight to lose I have decided to break it down into many mini goals. I often find this makes a difference when you have such a large amount to lose but in all honesty this can be applied to even the most minute weight loss goal.

There first goal is:

1) Get through day ONE
2) Get through the WALL ( this usual happens around day 3-4, everything looks edible and you feel like Hitler when he knew he lost the war)
3) Get through week ONE
4) Lose 1 stone - staying 100%
5) Lose 2 Stone -staying 100%
6) Lose 3 Stone - staying 100%
7) Lose 4 stone - staying 100%
8) Lose 5 stone - staying 100%
9) Lose 6 stone - staying 100%
10) Lose 7 stone - staying 100%
11) Lose 8 stone - staying 100%

I obviously have a few personal goal but I'll dwell on that tomorrow when I am starving and need to get my mind out of the fridge and let my emotions out rather that crave to eat the house.

Anyway, good luck to everyone else on their weight loss journeys

Love and Peace

Jae-Jae x x